you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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