Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
