home. puking in laundry basket.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every concussion has its silver lining
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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