My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
