i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
