You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We got so high we made milksteak
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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