i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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