Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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