chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
