Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
