Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Found the puke drawer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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