And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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