Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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