Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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