Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She even gives head with a lisp.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
