you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
