So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
