Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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