He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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