How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
