it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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