so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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