Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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