I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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