THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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