Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
