This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
