i think my mom watched the whole time
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
