i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
