You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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