i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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