were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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