is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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