i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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