sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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