i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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