She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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