I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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