OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
NoShamevember. You game?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize