Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
