I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
