one two three fourrrrnication!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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