Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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