Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
