I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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