felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
