Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
