My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
