god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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