Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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