You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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