I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can tuck mytits in my pants
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
