My underwear smells like fireworks.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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