the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You were trust falling into bushes
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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