yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
