How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Where is the hickey?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
