Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We had to coat check the pizza.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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