just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
