I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
