Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
