U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
