Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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