So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
