i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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