Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
