it wasn't lemon gatorade
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
