if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
