I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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