She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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