NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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