News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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