No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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