Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
