I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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