why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
