return my video game
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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