Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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