Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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