then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
