I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
