oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
