Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
