yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
