I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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