She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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