I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
