Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
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