remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Someone came in the potted fern
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
