Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
