Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm gonna fight the coyote
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
