There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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